Come Join the Existential Crisis Club!

Hello, friends.

I've come to realize that my blog pretty much sucks, but I'm also a true believer in "Practice makes perfect," so I'm going to keep 'sucking' until something good comes out of it. That sentence sounds horrific, but you catch my drift I hope.

Anyway, recently I've been having an "existential crisis" (I guess that's what I'm going to call it) and I've been feeling just generally terrible. It's a weird feeling when you begin (or continue) to question your existence, your purpose, etc. Not many people have the time or the energy to think about such things, but knowing myself and how bored I often can be, I waste my last tiny bit of energy on thoughts such as these. It's unfortunate really, but it happens. They often say the quietest people have the loudest minds. I could not fit that cliche any more than I actually do. My point is: I've been wondering what life is, where it's going, who I am, etc.

Just like Derek Zoolander, I'm having trouble finding my place in the world (Should I be a really really really ridiculously good looking male model or a coal miner?).

In all seriousness, life is tough, and I'm struggling to find out the deeper meanings in life. Maybe you're experienced something similar, maybe not. Either way, this post is for you to help you in whatever sort of way you may need help in your life. Whether life is going smoothly, or you've fallen into a deep, deep hole in the ground, we could all use a little boost every now and then. I'm hoping something in this post sparks some weird sort of inspiration or motivation and gets you thinking. Maybe you'll even find some temporary answers.

I don't have the answers to the big life questions. Liz Lemon always seems to be struggling with these issues, and no matter what age or gender or color or whatever you are (hell, you could be a damn porcupine and still have this problem), there probably is no "real" solution. I don't think we'll ever figure out the answers to any of our existential questions. No matter what you believe in, I'm sure we're all sort of going through similar trying times in attempting to figure out what it is that makes us US.

Do you know what I mean? I could be making little to no sense to you, to everyone, even to myself, but I need to write this all out and see where it takes me. But in all honesty, this could all just be "some white nonsense."

I've spent most of my morning looking up internships and careers. I'm letting you all know (and this shouldn't even be written down or said aloud to anyone until I make the ultimate decision) that I'm considering quitting school, or just not finishing. I have hated school from Day One. But I've suffered through it, despite nearly killing myself half a dozen times because of it. Maybe it's not all that awful, but I sure as hell make it out to be a miserable hell of my own. But I can't seem to help it. School (and when I say school in this context, I mainly mean college or higher education) is one of those things that I personally feel shouldn't even be a requirement in our society. I mean, no where is it written that it is, but you can't get a "great" job or "career" without some bit (or a lot of) higher education. And it sucks. Why does our society have to function that way? Some of the smartest people out there and some that I know barely made it through high school. And then once we spend a ton of time and money in school, we have to get out into the "real world," or the "adult world" and get a job, buckle down, work work work, retire, die. I realize how horribly morbid and depressing I'm making it out to be, but I'm just giving you an idea of how I've been thinking about life and school and careers and everything and how and why it makes me so effing miserable all the damn time.

Back to my thinking of quitting school, though. Even though a lot of the jobs I'm looking at require 4-year degrees, I don't care. I think I'm a smart enough, good enough HUMAN BEING to get a job or start a career that I love and that makes me happy and feel fulfilled. So take that, universe.

You may think I'm being overly "soul-searchy," or "too deep" but I don't really care, because this is how I feel and I am, for once, going to validate those feelings by telling you that they are real, and that I don't know what to do about them. Hence, this blog post. Sorry for weirding you out, if that is the case, but I need to get this all off my chest in order to possibly move on from it.

If you, too, need help in moving on from it, try writing down how you're feeling, all the questions you may have, and don't let those feelings and questions get you down. That's much much much easier said then done, as I know all too well, but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you think these things, then have some sort of strange epiphany. And it lasts for about a fifth of a second, and then you go back to being what some would consider crazy.

Accept the crazy. The fact that you're thinking this much about something so deep and personal and impossibly difficult means that you're alive, you're bright enough to be thinking, your brain is functioning properly, etc. See? Lots of good stuff may come of this after all.

When all else fails, shrug it off. 

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

-- Robert Frost