my name is clare. and I write this here blog. there's what I look like, and here's more about me:
I'm 24 years old and still a great, big child at heart. I hate every minute of being an "adult," and would rather be splashing around in puddles and jumping off the swings. oh, and painting my face. I do that sh*t every chance I can get.
aside from thinking and wishing I was still nine (I know we can't all be Peter Pan and the Lost Boys in Neverland), I contribute my fair share to being a part of this adulthood we all have to come to terms with. I currently work at a local/independent movie theater doing all sorts of things (snack bar, usher, cashier) and I honestly have to say that I love it; it's not my dream job nor is it any sort of career, but it's fun, keeps me busy, and pays the bills. I am also currently doing some babysitting one day a week for three adorable little girls who live down the street from my parents. I hate to brag, but I am great with kids and love them to death, so it makes for a good time. presently I am not in school, though I do desperately need to go back after being on leave for nearly a year, but I hope to go back in the spring. I was majoring in English, mostly because I love, love, love writing, but the English program at UAlbany wasn't as creative as I'd liked it to be and all the research and analytical writing I was doing was actually making me want to blow my brains out. who knew such boring material could do that to a human being?
in my spare time, I volunteer with an online organization run by a friend of mine called Defeat Depression, where we work to inspire and help thousands of people across the world who suffer from mental illness. it's not always easy, but it is always worth it. the reason I got involved in DD is mainly because I suffer from depression myself, as well as severe anxiety and Bipolar Disorder. I was diagnosed with all three when I was 16. it's been a long, long, long road to recovery ever since I've been diagnosed and amidst over a half a dozen suicide attempts. I'm not there yet either, but I'm really working on it. a lot of people don't understand that depression is a disease and they tend to think less of me for having such a hard time coming out of it. sometimes I wish I could just get cancer and then finally people would care about or support me. you truly don't know how awful depression is until you've experienced it first (and sometime even second) hand. I'll be completely honest and tell you that I think about death/ killing myself on a daily basis, and it's really no walk in the park. but I'm still here by some strange miracle and I hope I can keep fighting. especially with the help of this blog.
when I'm feeling really awful, I like to grab my camera and go out and photograph anything I find aesthetically pleasing or beautiful. I'm also in love with all this DIY stuff I've been seeing everywhere. arts and crafts have always been my go-to.
but writing is my one true passion, and I hope to land myself a decent-paying career somewhere nearby in the writing industry. a girl can dream.
for now, I think that's enough about me. onward to the real purpose of this blog! thanks for reading.
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