Holiday Gift Ideas

Evening, y'all!

How's everyone doing today?

As I sit here all bundled up in my room on this very chilly day in upstate New York (but luckily not western New York-- some parts have over 3 feet of snow!!!), I have nothing else to really do other than to write some bullsh!t blog entry about some bullsh!t stuff. I know I shouldn't talk about my ideas or my writing like that, but sometimes it's true. I don't care if one person reads this, or no one reads this. I will just be happy enough having written it. And that's all that matters, right?

No matter what holiday you celebrate this upcoming season, I'm sure you've got plenty of loved ones to shop for. Whether you choose to go the expensive or inexpensive route, or the crafty or store-bought route, there's a ton of stuff out there that's just waiting to be bought/made by you, and given to someone special. So here's a list of some ideas that I would personally love to receive (hint, hint), but that I'm sure some of your family and friends would love as well!

• Photo frames: For the photographer. Marshalls, TJ Maxx, the Dollar Store, Michael's, and plenty of other stores out there similar to these mentioned ones, have lots of inexpensive and really unique and pretty frames for you to gift. Leave the frames empty, or put in a photo of you and the receiver of the gift, or write a little message/quote on paper and place in the frame. And voila! You have a sweet little gift.

• Notecards: For the letter-writer in your family or group of friends! Buy a pack of cute notecards from any of the above mentioned stores, or buy in bulk online and create your own! Recently I've been making my own with some photos I've taken. I use them to write letters to my grandparents frequently, or as thank you notes, birthday cards, etc. You can use them for a variety of things-- don't restrict yourself. (I bought the blank note cards on Amazon.com- 50 to a pack, includes envelopes- and then bought my photo prints at Walmart! I even sell mine or give packs away). Who doesn't love good ol' fashioned snail mail? A handwritten letter will never lead you astray. 

• Notebooks: For the writer. Go to your local bookstore and you'll find a section full of beautiful and artsy notebooks that make fantastic gifts! I know I can't get enough of these awesome notebooks--or any notebook, for that matter-- and the writer in your family or group of friends will love a notebook or two just as much! To add a special little touch, write a sweet message on the inside cover.

• Mugs: For the coffee/tea drinker. One of the best gifts you can give! Buy one with pretty colors or an intricate design, or buy a blank one and get to paintin' or drawin'! Here's a link with some fun (and easy!) ideas: Click me! 

• Books: For the reader. Ah, yes, books. The most perfect gifts. In my opinion, anyway. Find out what your loved one likes to read, just to get a general idea, then do some research! There are lots of great (and TERRIBLE) books out there. So be careful in your searching. Instead of buying the books brand spankin' new (and brand spankin' expensive), try half.com, Amazon, or a local used bookstore. But make sure when you buy used books, that they're still in good condition!

• Music: For the musician or lover of music. Whether it's a full album, a mix tape (do these even exist anymore?), or an iTunes gift card, share the joy of music with someone you love. This is, of course, the best time of year to share your favorite Christmas music with someone. Not only is music a great gift, but it's also a great way to bond with a friend. Break out the CDs, radio, whatever your choice is, and get singin'! Take it from the movie Elf: "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."

• FOOD: Perfect for everyone and anyone. Seriously, though. You can't go wrong with food (unless someone has a food allergy!). Homemade goodies, a whole meal, desserts, you name it! Whatever you enjoy making or baking or cooking or even buying (who am I to judge?), gift it! As always - to add a personal touch, write a little message or quote or cute saying. Here's a great example of something as simple as Hershey's Kisses in a kitchen whisk (to the right). So get creative! Spice it up with some ribbons and bows and fun packaging details. The possibilities are endless with this great food idea! Candy, cookies, cupcakes, muffins, or even a jar full of baked good recipe ingredients for your receiver of the gift to make themselves! Google some more foods that make great and easy gifts. I'm sure there's plenty more than I've mentioned...

• Soaps and lotions: Not necessarily for your smelly friends. Nevertheless, plenty of people are looking for some good-smelling soaps, lotions, body washes, etc. My sister may say otherwise, but I personally think they make a pretty decent gift. You even have the option of making your own and putting it in a jar and gifting it. My friend Melissa made my friends and I this fabulous body scrub last Christmas. And though I have yet to use it (oops, sorry, Meliss), I'm still a fan.

• Coupons: For whoever you like! By coupons, I mean this: make your own coupon book filled with fun things to do (lunch, dinner, movies, etc.). I've made these a few times for my boyfriend, my friends, and my family. And I gotta say, they're a pretty big hit! (Though I will warn you, if you put a coupon in there for a "free back rub" for your boyfriend or significant other or whoever, he will insist upon it and you may or may not dread it-- also, don't make the free back rub more than 5 minutes...). From my own personal experience, I find the coupons to be a sweet and thoughtful gift that you can personalize however you like!

I know there's plenty of other great gift ideas out there, but for the the sake of space and time, I will provide you with some links to other sites that give what I think are great lists of gift ideas for the holidays:

• Handmade Christmas Gifts
• DIY Christmas Gifts
• Easy DIY Gift Ideas

There you have it, folks! I hope you get some ideas and the holiday craziness isn't nearly as bad as it usually is / has been. Remember: HAVE FUN! That's the most important thing, I think. And making other people happy, but ehhh.

Have a great rest of your evening/night!

xoxo, Clare

Free Writing Exercise #2

Good morning, all!

I have no idea what to write about for now, so I figured I'd share some more of my free writing stuff. (I'm also avoiding some homework for my next class--I have to read about 100 pages...).

But anyway, this free writing thing is helping a whole lot for me, so I highly suggest it. I should also take the time to thank my friend Hannah for suggesting it to me. (Thanks, girl).

I wrote this the other day; I don't quite remember the day (maybe Thursday or Friday?), but that doesn't matter much anyway. It's a bunch of random thoughts and things, but maybe you'll be able to relate and it'll be much better to read if you can. If you can't, not a big deal.

So here you go...

"This free writing thing is more difficult than I thought it would be. Usually my mind is going at a million miles a minute, but right now, I can’t think of a single thing to write about. I don’t know how I feel right now… Mentally, emotionally. Kind of just, numb. And very tired. I had two cups of coffee with some eggnog. Delicious. But still not kicking in. I feel like coffee never kicks in for me, really. I’m always tired. Maybe I’m anemic again. 

On another note—I had a good talk with Vince last night via text messages (which isn’t my favorite form of communicating with him, but I was a wreck and didn’t want him to see me that way. Even though he’s seen me that way a thousand times before). We talked about life and writing and how neither of those two things have been going that great for me thus far. But I want to work on it. I know that practice is required for both (especially the writing, if I really want to get good), so I need to put in more effort. I’m just having a lot of trouble with coming up with ideas lately. GOOD ideas anyway. But maybe I need to write out some mediocre ideas first to get my brain going and the words flowing. 

I suppose this free writing thing is helpful in that it gets all my thoughts out. Or a good majority of my thoughts anyway. I need to not worry so much about grammar, though. But I can’t help myself. I’m a total grammar Nazi. Not sure what I can really do about that. Maybe just care less? That’s very difficult for me to do though. As most people who know me well enough know to be true.  

I want to do some fiction writing but I’m having a lot of trouble coming up with something. I should just try this free writing thing with it, maybe… Hm, we shall see. I also have to do some reading for school. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. It’s really good so far—very interesting. I didn’t think I’d like it because it’s all science-y, but it’s written so well, almost like a novel or some sort of work of fiction. But it’s all entirely nonfiction. The author, Rebecca Skloot, is such a great writer. I wonder if she went to school to study writing. I’m going to go research that… Apparently she’s a science writer. Not sure if that means she studied science or writing or neither, but that’s still pretty interesting. 

I wish I liked science more. It can be so intriguing, but I’ve never had an interesting teacher teach me about it, so I’ve always hated and dreaded it. It’s weird how all of life is about science and I’m always wondering about the meaning and purpose of life or whatever and yet I hate the idea of science. It really makes very little sense. But my brain works in mysterious ways, so who the hell knows? 

Wow, I’ve almost written 1000 words so far. That’s like a friggin’ 3-page paper. I think. But this is all nonsense and gibberish. Nothing substantial. Nevertheless, it’s still good practice as I mentioned before. 

Eeek, the sun is directly in my eyes as I sit here in my chair in the corner of my bedroom next to the window. It is nice and cozy though. On this really cold day, it’s nice to be all bundled up and sitting in the sun. And doing one of my favorite things. And being semi-productive. 

The other night (two nights ago?), when I had that “panic attack” (I’m not really sure whether or not to call it that, because I didn’t have any real physical symptoms, so maybe it was more like a “meltdown”—but I should look up the definitions and differences of the two just to clarify for myself), I started thinking about a million and ten things at once (as I usually do) and I was thinking about how much I really wanted to just die. Not kill myself, but if someone were to just come by and murder me, I’d probably be okay with it. But then I thought: “I haven’t written anything that could be used to make my death even worth it.” Do you get what I mean? I’m terrible at explaining my own thoughts. But here, I’ll try: When I die, I want to have lived a full life, meaning, I want to have written some things of importance (?) or circumstance (?). If that makes any sense. Like, for example, when Hemingway killed himself at the age of 60 or 70 something (I should look that up), he had written a shit ton of great novels and articles for newspapers and stuff, and even had a bunch of unpublished works hidden away in his home and maybe other various places that I don’t even know about (I clearly don’t know much about this, so maybe I should look into it and educate my damn self about someone who I actually strangely admire). Sure, he drank a lot and slept around, but he was a creative soul and an amazing writer. And I want some of that genius. And I want people to know (but mainly I just really want myself to know) that I can write just as well—or maybe even better—and make some money off of it (at least enough to live comfortably, I think) and be happy with my work and my life and all that jazz. So, because I haven’t written much (very little, in fact), I can’t die just yet. I need to keep writing, and writing and writing and never stop. And write some real good shit that I can publish or at least have some people read and fall in love with (like I have with Hemingway’s writing). 

I want to be able to call myself a writer. And have people respect that. I don’t care if they hate my writing—I just want them to know: “Hey, she writes. She’s a writer.” That would make me happy enough. But I know I shouldn’t care much about what other people think—I should care about what I think, that’s what matters most, I suppose. Or so some people say. But again, who cares what people say or think? (That’s easy as hell to say, but not at all easy to do or believe). Anyway—I want to write, I want to love it, I want to be good, I want to be happy with my life’s work. And it would be a bonus to have other people be happy with it, too. And read it and buy it and celebrate it. I don’t give a shit about myself honestly—whether I’m rich or poor. I want to just write. And write. And write. Like I am now. I want to be able to wake up in the morning, make a cup of coffee, and get to the computer or notebook or scrap of paper, and just WRITE. Type, jot, scribble, whatever. Get words down on paper. Paint a picture with my diction and vocabulary. A beautiful fucking picture that I cherish and love and learn to become grateful for."

There you have it. Some more productive free writing. Not that you honestly even care, but I felt the need to share - I thought it was semi-well written. Feel free to disagree.

I better get some homework done, ugh. Peace.

Clare

Free Writing Exercise #1

Amigos,

I need to vent. So I'm starting off today's post with some personal stuff (which I normally do anyway, but this time it's pretty personal, I'd say, and may or may not be applicable to you or anyone you even know, but I'm writing it anyway just to get it out there and into the world - if only for myself). A little forewarning: I'm going to be talking about some mental stuff and thoughts of depression and suicide, so if any of these things are triggers for you for any reason at all, please do not continue reading. Despite the fact that I think it would be overly beneficial to those of you who are triggered by such things, I will not force my thoughts and opinions upon you. I respect your decisions and only want you to be comfortable in your skin when browsing the internet.

So there. Now, onward!

A little background: I had a complete "freak out" the other day and I had no idea what to do with myself. I wanted so badly to just jump out the window of a 100-story building and end everything. Obviously that doesn't and won't ever solve anything. It will only create problems for nearly everyone else around me. And I don't want to do anything like that.

I often think a lot about ending my own life, but sometimes I'm so passive (and maybe even lazy?) about it that I think: "Well, if someone were to come by and just stab me in the heart, I might even appreciate it." That may seem super strange to you, no matter where you are in life or where you come from or whatever. Nevertheless, I want to tell you about a few things involving such awful and bleak thoughts and how I frequently overcome them or learn to just suffer through them. I hope you can find some solace in these things, especially if you suffer from similar situations/circumstances. But even if you have no Goddamn idea what I'm talking about, it wouldn't hurt to educate yourself a little bit. Here goes nothing.

I rarely have anyone to talk to when I begin to feel this way, so I seek help in somewhat rare forms. I have a few friends whom I've met via the internet who, like myself, suffer from mental illnesses that deeply affect their lives and others around them. I've become good friends with them, and have even become involved in an organization called Defeat Depression where a couple of us reach out to thousands of people suffering like us who desperately need some help and some inspiration/motivation to keep going. I receive a great amount of joy in helping with this site (also check out our Facebook page: Defeat Depression on Facebook), and I try to get on the page as often as I can--especially when I am in a very bad place.

So I was talking with one of these friends who founded the organization and told her how I was panicking and freaking out and had no idea what to do about it. She was quick to act (thankfully, things were getting a bit scary on my end), and came up with a suggestion to look into what's called "free writing." I have tried it before, but forgot all about it. So I Googled it, found some examples, guidelines, etc. I then opened up Microsoft Word, and began to just let my fingers lead me to letters on the keyboard of my computer. The words began to flow right through me and appeared on the blank page before me. No grammar or spell checks, no worries or regrets about what I was writing. It was almost magical, therapeutic, sensational. I didn't stop until I got to around 500 words without even realizing that I had even gotten that far. I read what I had written. It was terrible, I thought, but I didn't care. I already felt about a hundred times better.

I'd like to share with you what I wrote... And I hope to inspire you to do some of your own writing. Get out all those frustrations and bad thoughts and just, let go.

"I hate the way I’m feeling. I feel this way all too much. And I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel these awful feelings. I miss Vince, but I do enjoy the freedom from him sometimes.

I’m looking outside at the yellowing trees in my neighborhood and they look so beautiful, even though it means they’re dying. How awful is that? So many people love fall yet they don’t realize that it is the season that is preparing for winter—where everything is dead and gloomy. I remember reading a poem once though that talked about how fall is like the birth of the harvest or something. I don’t quite remember it, but I do remember that it talked about the positives of autumn. So I guess there’s a positive to every season- to everything.

I feel like I haven’t done much with my life and when I think about that I get really teary-eyed and sad and just generally miserable. It also doesn’t help that this Pandora station I’m listening to seems to only be playing sad and slow songs. What the fuck, universe? Way to totally fuck with me.

I’m reading all these books by famous authors—GOOD, famous authors—like Hemingway and Fitzgerald and I just absolutely fall in love with them, their characters, their stories, etc. I wish I could write like that. I wish I could escape to Paris and just start writing like they did, and live there and be happy and successful. But mainly just, HAPPY. I know they had their own problems and everything. Hemingway fucking killed himself, but he lived a full life. At least that’s how I see it. He drank a hell of a lot, but so do lots of writers. And who cares? He was amazing at it, and I have a lot of respect for the guy. What I wouldn’t give to meet him.
Tears keep streaming down my face for no apparent reason and I can’t help but just wipe them away in frustration. I’m in so much pain mentally that I just don’t know what to do with myself. Being and feeling this way absolutely sucks.

I wish I could just jump through the glass of my window, shattering it to pieces that fall to the ground (or the roof that sits below my bedroom window actually), and then leaping from the roof onto the ground below. All that would do is give me a couple of scrapes and bruises, and maybe break an arm or a leg or two. Not very productive. But I just need some way to get out of my own damn head sometimes. It’s like a fucking circus up there almost all the time and I don’t know how to contain it all. Elephants, clowns (YEESH), whatever the fuck else you find at a circus—it’s all there. Roaming around the inside of my skull, making too much noise and banging on the walls."

So, there you have it. My first free writing exercise.

Just let it flow. Let go of everything and just set your mind free.

Expect to see some more free writing from me, and in the meantime, get going on your own. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail or comment below with your own work of literature. I look forward to it.

Thanks for reading.

all the best,
Clare

How You Know It's True Love

Good afternoon, folks.

How's everybody doing today? Hopefully you are enjoying this b-e-a-utiful weather. It's truly the perfect fall day.

For today's blog entry, I would like to write about love. And I want to share with you some of the things I have learned about love over the past five and a half years.

Vincent and I, Graduation, May 2009

My boyfriend and I have been dating since May of 2009. Which was right before we both graduated from our high school, where we met. I hate to sound cliche and all, but we fell in love pretty quickly (even for 18-year-olds), and even started talking about getting married someday in our future. Five and a half years later, here we are, still crazy about each other. I will admit we've had rough times and doubts and all, but we pull through every time and come out stronger on the other side. He is the greatest guy you will ever know and meet, and I am beyond happy that he is all mine. (So back off, ladies).

I often don't even like to consider him just my boyfriend, but he is more so my best friend and my soulmate.

Vincent is my very first boyfriend and my very first love, and it brings me great joy to be able to say that he is also my ONLY boyfriend and my ONLY love. And always will be. How do I know this? I feel it in my heart, my mind, and most importantly, in my gut. Things like this, you just know. Ya know? It's just something that isn't a question in your mind, you just have this overwhelmingly good feeling about it, and you are confident and certain that this is the realest, truest thing you will ever have and experience.

For the first two years of our relationship we both lived in our respective homes, literally around the corner from one another. I could walk to his house and be there in less than 3 minutes. It was wonderful, and we saw each other every single day. The past three years, he went away to school (an hour and forty minutes from our hometown), and it was hard being apart. He would come home every winter break and summer vacation and we would make the most of the short amount of time we had together until he had to go back to school. I visited as much as I could, and he came home as much as he could. Now he is in Boston for graduate school, and I am still at home in Albany. I work every weekend and it's hard to get days off. He is so busy with school work, and I am so busy with work, that we can't find the time to visit or see one another. So we call, text, Skype all the time. But it's not the same. For some reason, his being away this time is even harder than before and it's certainly putting a lot of unneeded pressure on our relationship.

But we make it work. Because we love each other. A whole damn lot. And nothing can get in the way of that. No amount of miles can come between us.

I've gone into way much more detail than I wanted to, but you get the idea, yes? We're apart, but we make it work because we love each other very much. So he came home this past weekend and I urged him to do a couples' photoshoot with me. You know those engagement photo sessions that people do nowadays? Well, we're not officially engaged, but we're on our way there, and I wanted to do what I guess you could call a "pre-engagement photo session." Two of my very good neighbors are professional photographers and they do engagement sessions and weddings and family portraits, so I asked them if they wouldn't mind helping us out. We went downtown on Sunday and even though it was chilly and windy, we made the most of it, and had a lot of fun posing and getting some awesome shots.

One of my favorite shots from the session.

My point is, this photo shoot made me realize how much I really do love him, and how much I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him, start a family, be happy, etc. etc. etc. So my post for today, or my question for the day is this: how do you know it's true love?

Well, I'll tell you.

You feel it in your heart, mind, and gut. I mentioned this above already, but I need to reiterate, because it's so important and SO TRUE. When you have true love, you feel it in every fiber of your being. You feel good. About this other person, about yourself, about your relationship, about everything. It's so weird, but it just happens that way.

There are no words to describe it. No matter what you try and tell people about your significant other, they will never understand the love the two of you have. Ever. You can try and try to explain it, but there are no words to get your full point across. So if you are at a loss for words when talking about this person, or even talking to this person, then you're probably in love.

Every little thing becomes a big thing. Every small thing your S.O. does for you, or every small thing you do for him/her, feels so much bigger than it probably is. Making you breakfast is a huge deal. Doing a silly photo shoot with you is so much more important to you than you thought it would be - just the fact that he wants to do this with you means that he loves you a whole lot.

Love will get you through tough times. No matter what you are dealing with in life right now, if you've got somebody by your side, you've already got a head start. So ask them for help, and if it really is true love, they will be there for you through thick and thin.

He/She gets along with your family and friends. This is pretty important to some people. The fam's gotta love him, the friends have got to at least like him. Not that you need approval of this person by all these other people, but it would help you and your situation if you all got along.

He/She believes in equality between the two of you. It's all about balance. It's all about compromise. You can't agree on everything, but you've got to agree on most things. Or you can agree to disagree. But men and women should all be equal, in what they say and what they do. And if your S.O. believes you have every right he/she does, hold onto them.

You have some thing(s) in common. With Vince and I it's Game of Thrones, and the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the color red, and our taste in food. Having something in common helps with the equality thing, and the agreement and compromising thing. And that's really important.

You can spend time apart and not worry. You can't spend every waking minute with this person; you need your own time and space sometimes. But you know when you're apart that you won't miss them too much and that you and he/she will be faithful. And you can have your own separate lives, but still have one shared life as well.

So Vincent and I are apart in distance, but will forever be close in heart. That sounds super cliche, but I really don't care what you think. And hey! That's another thing - you don't care what others think. Maybe you're weird together, but who has the right to judge that?

That's all I've got for now, friends. Hope you enjoyed this post, learned a little, laughed a little, whatever other weird sort of emotion or reaction you may have experienced as you read this. Keep all of this in mind when looking for your Prince Charming or your whatever else. All of this comes from the bottom of my heart, and I mean it with all of my soul, because I love this guy so f#$*in' much. And I just don't want to hide it!

I love you, Vincent!

xoxo, Clare